Most teenage girls at the age of fifteen are spending the majority of their time gossiping, figuring out if their crush likes them, or wondering what movie their friend group would be seeing on Friday night. When I was 15, I had already been through one-day treatment, one hospitalization, and one partial hospitalization for my eating disorder. I spent my time counting calories, worrying about exercise, and obsessing over my weight. I never got to have the typical first day of school taking pictures with my friends and walking in together because I was 2,000 miles away in Utah trying to fight a terribly abusive mental disorder.

The summer of 2014 was probably the hardest time of my life. I was sent to a residential treatment center in Logan, Utah with a group of 12 teenage girls who were complete strangers to me. My parents left after a short goodbye, and I can honestly say I had never felt more alone. Each day we woke at 6 a.m. for vitals and then began our day filled with therapy groups, journaling, therapy sessions, nutrition sessions, and timed monitored meals. For most, this probably sounds absurd, but once it becomes your daily routine, anything else seems unimaginable.

I got to talk to my family once a week for about 10-15 minutes at first. Can you imagine summarizing your emotions and an entire week into a 10-minute phone call? I used to carry around my brother's senior picture because I missed him so much and wanted a familiar face in such an uncertain time. Those first few weeks were tough, I was distraught over the friends I could not see, for the family I longed for, and for all the experiences I was missing out on.

Now, this probably sounds like a nightmare, and yes, at times it was. But what began as the scariest time of my life slowly turned into an experience that I would not change for the world. During those five months, I grew to love these individuals as my family. The staff became like older sisters and role models as I memorized their schedules, getting so excited to learn some of my favorite people were coming in. Spending 24/7 with these girls made my appreciation and love for them grow so deep that to this day I still think of them daily and will always consider them family.

I share this extremely challenging time in my life not for pity but for awareness and hope. Eating disorders are a deadly disease that so many don't even consider an illness. I have lost several friends due to this terrible disorder, and I only hope that someday soon the proper care and funds can be put towards helping promote awareness and help for those suffering so everyone out there knows. You are never alone.